Price: $0.00 (Or a donation toward professional tree-removal therapy)
Location: NW Indianapolis (Near Zionsville Rd & W 62nd St)
Several years ago, Hillary Clinton’s official motorcade passed right by my humble abode. Apparently, she became so intensely displeased that her staff could not shift my majestic Ash tree from the RIGHT side of my driveway to the LEFT, she smote the tree on the spot. It withered and died instantly.
Now, it is my absolute pleasure to offer the standing corpse of this legendary tree to your next deplorable bonfire gathering. Just cut her down and haul her away!
THE FINE PRINT & TREESPOTS SPECS:
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Current Status: If this ad is still up, the tree is still up, Trump is still in office, and the wood is still available.
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Condition: 100% dead, fully cured standing hardwood—perfect for kindling, campfires, or exorcisms.
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Removal Terms: NO STUMP KICKERS. You cut it down, you haul it away, and you assume 100% of the risk. I am retired and living on a fixed income, otherwise, I’d pay to have this political tragedy removed myself.
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Pickup Restrictions: Absolutely NO Western Union wire transfers, and NO third-party pickups allowed (Libertarians, Socialists, Green Party members, etc. need not apply).
HOW TO CONTACT ME:
I heavily prefer all inquiries be transmitted directly via mental telepathy. However, at my age, I frequently forget to take off my tin-foil hat, which may block incoming psychic signals. If I don't respond telepathically—or if my mental reply comes back in fluent Russian—please just use the email button on this ad.
If you can’t physically come out to rid my once-tranquil neighborhood of this menacing arboreal figure (for God's sake, act fast, we have children playing nearby!), cash donations toward professional removal are also accepted.
Consult your tax specialist to verify if your donation is axe-deductible. Let's Make America Great Again, one dead Ash tree at a time!
