I have many, many boxes of hot sauce to trade for something equally awesome.
You will definitely need a real vehicle to haul these. I’m estimating it’s around 200 lbs of liquid fire—easily enough to crush a grown man. That’s a lot of sauce. Sorry to the Fourth Avenue hipsters, but one of your canvas messenger bags is not going to cut it.
Ask your buddy if you can borrow his truck in exchange for a few cases, or organize a fleet of TuGo bikeshare riders with trailers and promise to feed them (sauce) if they help you move it down Speedway.
Did I mention there’s a lot of it? It's easily enough to fill a standard bathtub, just in case you’ve ever wanted to submerge yourself in pure capsaimin.
Esta salsa es muy rica y picante. I know because I tried some. Tired of those bland protein shakes before hitting the UofA rec center? Kick it up a notch! For the rest of your natural life!
THINGS I WILL TRADE FOR:
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A sailboat (I know we’re in a desert, but a guy can dream about Patagonia Lake)
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Weapons (Real, fake, or functional Renaissance-era battle axes)
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A nice girlfriend (This is for my friend Jesse. I already have one, thanks!)
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Free tacos for life from your food truck or taco stand
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ABSOLUTELY NO RED PAPERCLIPS. I already have way too many of those.
Make me an offer! I’m open to just about anything awesome.
