Price: $185,000 (I’m taking a huge loss, don’t talk to me.)
Don’t need a paperweight that costs as much as a small house? Of course you don’t! How about an Italian financial black hole!
Some of you may recognize this as a modern Maserati MC20. It is a Rosso Vincente (red) masterpiece with a two-tone black roof. It features the carbon fiber exterior package. It has the correct diamond-cut forged wheels. The interior is tan leather. It is stunning. Don’t let that gorgeous Italian body fool you, though - this car is Satan’s chariot to Hell (or bankruptcy court).
I do not exaggerate when I say that this car has been back at the dealership for HALF the time I’ve owned it. It is seemingly inhabited by evil spirits.
This car is a technological marvel. It has the 621-horsepower Nettuno twin-turbo V6 engine. It has the 8-speed Dual-Clutch Transmission (DCT). This transmission is a masterpiece of modern engineering; a computer-controlled ballet of gears and clutches that shifts with lightning precision - IF IT EVER FEELS LIKE WORKING, which is rarely. It seems to view reverse as an optional feature.
The mechanics at the Maserati dealer (who now call me by my first name) insist it’s "fixed." But it’s not. I’ve seen their high-tech service bay. There are no tools. It is just an altar to Alejandro de Tomaso, where they sacrifice the smoking wallets of Maserati owners and ask the universe for a vision of what the @#$$ is wrong with their clients' cars. This car has new powertrain control modules, new body control modules, and the main wiring harness was "reseated." It still throws a check-engine light if I look at it wrong.
Come take a look at it! It’s beautiful! Look at those curves! It WILL let you down. You might think, "Wow, it's such a beautiful car and barely used, maybe I can get it cheap and it just needs one final software update." No. Don’t do that. Not gonna happen. This car will make you cry. It will make your kids ask why there is no food to eat and the electricity has been turned off, and I have to tell them it’s because Daddy’s car is sick again.
Why am I asking $185 grand? It's a huge loss, but it's the lowest price I can accept and still pay my mortgage. If that’s too much, don’t buy it. I don't blame you.
I want this thing out of my sight. I’m tired of sitting in my garage at night, drinking and making revving noises with my mouth, while I pretend this car is not a huge pile of disappointment and debt.
Do NOT offer me some insulting price. It's an MC20 with carbon ceramic brakes and a carbon fiber roof. I don’t have to sell it. It can sit in my garage and I can continue to hate it. I don't HAVE to sell it. I WANT to. There’s a difference.
